A Date with a Laptop
by N.C.Faraway
Summary: Sherlock decides to try out internet dating *sigh*


"John?" Sherlock said, sitting, his legs folded, his arms embracing each other, on the sofa.

"Yes?" said John.

"Am I attractive?" he asked.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm on and I'm filling in my profile. It's quite interesting actually, did you know that there are more than five thousand requests for a 'well dressed intellectual heavyweight'?"

"Well, that doesn't count you then," replied John in a hurt tone.

"Why not?"

"You're not well dressed."

"No, but I'm an intellectual heavyweight. That's where the money's at. And anyway, what's wrong with the way I dress?"

"Sherlock, who, I ask, goes around wearing a deerstalker? They've been out so long, they were never in!"

"Yes but I only wear it on occasions and it shows my personal sense of style. If Lady Gaga can wear a meat dress, why can't I wear a deerstalker?"

"Because you're not stalking deer, Sherlock!"

"Neither is Lady Gaga searching for rotting animal carcasses, judging by that last video of hers."

John sighed, "What do you want to sign up on a dating website for anyway?"

"Well, you're the one who said I should get out about. I'm being sociable."

"You, sociable?" laughed John.

"Alright, admittedly, it is not normally my practise to mingle with the hoi polloi of everyday life but since no one's sent me a case, I have been forced to take drastic measures."

"What are you doing?" asked John, looking over Sherlock's shoulder.

"You see this guy? Jane thinks he's 'the one' but I have successfully deduced that he does, in fact, have a wife and three children, all living in Greece. Do you think I should post it on her profile or send her a private message?" Sherlock explained.

"Sherlock, you don't have to share everything about other people with the whole world!" exclaimed John.

"Why not?" asked Sherlock, "It's much more interesting that way."

"I prefer to chat with real people when I'm dating. Not machines."

"They are real people, John. I'm just using a different form of communication."

"That's not the same as being with real people, face to face, Sherlock!" snapped John angrily, staring deeply at Sherlock's head.

"Then why don't you go be with your real people, and let me be with mine?" replied Sherlock, equally as angry.

"Fine," said John, "I will. I'll go and see Sarah, then, shall I?"

A secret look of hurt, anger and betrayal passed across Sherlock's face. "Go and see her, then. I don't have reason to care."

With that, John stormed out of the flat. Sherlock sighed and rested his head on his hand.

An hour later, John had still not returned and Sherlock deduced that he had been persuaded to spend the night at Sarah's. "Fine," thought Sherlock, and it prompted him to log on to again. There was a message. It read, "Irene Adler has sent you an affinity request. If you show the same interest, you can choose to accept this request. If you do not, you can simply ignore it." Sherlock had intended to ignore it until he thought of John in Sarah's arms again. He clicked, "Accept." Almost immediately, the message box came up saying, "Irene Adler is online and wants to chat." He typed in, "Greetings!"

"Hi!"

"Am I acquainted with you?"

"No, I saw your picture and added you."

"What about my picture prompted you to add me?"

"Your beautifully formed cheekbones and rugged good looks."

"You flatter me, Miss Adler."

"I do? Tell me when to stop!"

"Don't stop. Don't ever stop!"

"Ok then, I won't. Btw, u at home right now?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"No, I'm in an internet café."

"You went to one of those places just to speak to me?"

"Yh, wtva. Listen, I'm looking 4 a relationship."

"Really? How nice!"

"You interested in bein wiv me?"

"Sorry, already taken."

"By who?"

"By someone wonderful…"

"Y u joinin a datin website then?"

"I don't know…to make him jealous, I guess."

"Y rnt u wiv him now?"

"I had a row with him…it was really my fault, I guess. But I wanted him to be jealous!"

"Nd why haven't you had a shower 2day?"

"What?"

The message came up, "Irene Adler has logged off." A few minutes later, John came bursting through the door. "You know, you _can _learn a lot about people from dating websites!"

Sherlock looked up at John, then blushed and looked down.

"But then again, we don't have any need for them," added John and he came and wrapped his arms around Sherlock affectionately. Sherlock sighed happily but then added, "I knew it was you all along, of course."

"Of course, Sherlock," replied John, knowingly, "Of course."


End file.
